It appeared as if some thick exhalation had arisen from beneath the timber, and overspread the clear firmament all through this portion of the scene. On one side, it was bounded by thick woods, whose dark secret depths seemed unfathomable to the attention: on the other, by hills, ever rising greater and better but, until they were misplaced in vivid, beautifully white clouds, gleaming in refulgent sunlight. Look at the roses, my favourite white roses, that all the time remind me of my own backyard at the expensive previous Park! Now I could look on them indifferently-nearly as a stranger would have seemed. Because the daughter of a “gentleman,” my father’s welcome, my father’s affection, would have been bestowed on her, once i took her dwelling as my spouse. Here was I pondering of her as my wife, earlier than, perhaps, she had a suspicion of the fervour with which she had inspired me-vexing my heart, wearying my thoughts, earlier than I had even spoken to her, as if the perilous discovery of our marriage were already at hand!
But get me, kid-if either of ya act mushy over this bird, and check out crossing me up, I’ll rub ya out so they won’t be a lot as a snuffle left of ya! A presentiment arose within me, that in this still and solitary hour would occur my decisive, my last wrestle with myself. The night time advanced-the noises faintly reaching me from the streets, sank and ceased-my lamp flickered and went out-I heard the carriage return with Clara from the ball-the first chilly clouds of day rose and hid the waning orb of the moon-the air was cooled with its morning freshness: the earth was purified with its morning dew-and nonetheless I sat by my open window, striving with my burning love-thoughts of Margaret; striving to suppose collectedly and usefully-abandoned to a battle ever renewing, but never changing; and at all times hour after hour, a wrestle in vain. She went out softly.
It was on the again of the house, and seemed out on a strip of garden-London garden-a close-shut dungeon for nature, where stunted trees and drooping flowers seemed visibly pining for the free air and sunlight of the country, in their sooty environment, amid their prison of excessive brick walls. As I still stood on the plain and seemed round, I noticed a girl coming towards me from the wood. No lady had ever before stood between me and my ambitions, my occupations, my amusements. I stood on a wide plain. I do know nothing about him, however that he’s my right-hand man, and the honestest fellow that ever stood in sneakers. I had identified nothing of the fervour, which is the absorbing passion of humanity. While, throughout the hours of the evening, I used to be thus vainly striving to carry calm counsel with myself; the bottom thought by no means occurred to me, which might need occurred to some other males, in my position: Why marry the lady, as a result of I really like her? Why, with my money, my station, my alternatives, obstinately join love and marriage as one concept; and make a dilemma and a danger the place neither need exist? Had such a thought as this, in the faintest, probably the most shadowy form, crossed my mind, I ought to have shrunk from it, have shrunk from my self; with horror.